A feast fit for a bum

Costco
Various locations across the U.S.

Yes, that's right, Costco, the discount warehouse club where you can buy a year supply of shampoo, cereal, gym socks, and car tires all in one trip. To quote the Village People, "...there's a place you can go...when you're short on the dough...you can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal..." and it's C-O-S-T-C-O.

Anyone can swing by Costco and with ease can get themselves a nice, filling lunch with dessert for under $5. Their plump, all-beef hot dogs are only $1.50, which includes a drink. The stands in New York run at about the same price, but are half the size (and flavor). There's chicken bakes and smoothies for those watching their figure, and for those who aren't there have ice cream. And it's all so cheap it makes my heart swell with happiness. In today's economy, it's impossible to find a meal for under $5...even in fast food joints! I find myself blowing over $7 at Wendy's and Carl's...and that's buying stuff off the value menu! Even though not everyone has a trash compactor stomach like me that requires more food than the average human, everyone does want some bang for their buck. Costco doubles that bang.

Word of advice: avoid the Costco stores that have indoor food courts, unless you have membership. Most of them now have outdoor courts, so you can stroll up there and not have to be a member of their elite club. But if you do run into one of those exclusive "members only" indoor spots, just tell the doorman you're there to buy a membership, then dash over to the food court when he's not looking. Or you can be a sheep and join.